Ok,
so I've reached a normal weight finally (for the first time in this millenium) on Friday. And I reached my DietBet-goal for this month.
So far, so good. I only have to keep my weight, I do even have to lose any until January. Sounds easier than losing weight, right?
In addition I had a year to learn, to eat right and god knows I never went to bed hungry or unsatisfied. In fact, I guess I ate more chocolate over the year than I did before I started dieting. I allow/ed myself a good amount of "exceptions" over the weeks and months, guilty pleasure food mostly.
But I always was aware that those were exceptions and that I could enjoy them more, if I do not eat them every day. And that I was allowed these treats but that I had to choose, which one I wanted (other than the last years, where I "treated" myself everyday. Or twice a day.).
So now I'm sitting here, it's Sunday evening in my area, the weigh-in which confirmed my normal weight is about 58hrs away - and I am...well "struggeling" is too strong... but I am seriously concerned.
I already catch me constantly thinking "A bit of that is ok this week, since I just have to keep my weight" "this is only a little more than I would eat to lose weight, so it will be ok", "I do not have to write this piece down this week" and, a f***ing classic: "I did so long without this, now is the perfect time where I can enjoy it." And sudenly I already ate more exceptions than usual.
This is so stupid!!!
I mean, I could understand, if I did a very low calory diet over the year, if I drank shakes instead of eating, if I did not eat any carbs after 4pm or if I did not allow myself any guilty pleasure food at all for the last 12 month. But that's not the case. I changed my eating habbits for crying out loud! Deep inside I always had my doubts about it, I was afraid of the time, when there would be no "goal left". I know, keeping the same number on the scale is a goal too, but it still kind of feels different, don't you agree?
Don't get me wrong, I am not beating myself up over it. I am happy, that I am able to monitor my habbits like that and that I can see these changes of thoughts very fast. And that I can at least 2 out of 3 times rationalize these thoughts and still keep my actions reasonable.
Still it is spooky, how confidend and self-reliant one can be, and how reaching a goal can send one streight back to the "Dark Ages". I think, it helps a little bit (and this won't sound very nice now) to look at longterm DietBetters, who always gain a lot/all of their weight back when they finished a bet.
DO NOT FORGET, Tiffi.
Remember never to get cocky, or you will be at 105 Kilos again in no time.