I have for the most part always been a laid back individual that has never harbored bad feelings toward another person for an extended period. There is however one person that I have literally hated in my entire life and was reminded of that feeling and why yesterday.
This person is actually of the same age as my parents and was a neighbor growing up. Always negative toward, complaining about, blaming, and always glaring at me for no reason other than the fact that I just didn't fit in their perfect world. This person made a comment on my sister's 22nd Anniversary post on FB that was not a congratulation comment but once again after over 20 years was a poke at me. Really?!?
This immediately brought back such a strong feeling of hate, that I haven't felt in a long time. My emotions were continuously escalating yesterday to the point I wanted to react.
Something must have changed inside me at some point in my adult life because after about a half hour of escalating to blowing up, I stopped and noticed the feelings other than anger. I was no longer focused on my wife and kids, but at hurting some old person, I was clinching, my stomach was getting upset and I wanted to sabotage all the work I have put in to making the changes I have.
Something has definitely changed! I was able to calm the storm brewing, I was able to de-escalate the feelings, and I was able to brush off my hatred. I looked at the post once more and thought as my sister tells me "water off a ducks back."
What I realized is that the hatred that was immediately brewing was going to prevent me from making any positive gains in my new journey to reclaiming my health. I laugh at this now, but, I realize that this person was an older individual now and not worth the hatred I harbored since they were actually my current age, I realized I have become the husband and father that this person never thought I would be, I realized that life is precious.
So I will chalk off this water off the ducks back as a small victory.
Hi my name is Travis, and I am fat. I am here to heal myself!