The hardest part of losing weight for me is definitely the food control part. Since I could walk I was an athlete and throughout highschool my friends were always jealous that I could eat more than most guys and still be a size zero. The 2 hour basketball and lacrosse practices 6 days a week along with the high metabolism was awesome, but also a curse. I never learned to eat clean and healthy because I never had to. I could have whatever I wanted and however much without consequence.
I filled out when I got to college, but the freshman 15 was almost needed on my lanky body. It wasn't until I turned 21, with the bar hopping and late night eating (pizza, fast food) almost 4 days a week at college that I started to realize that clothes weren't fitting me right. I didn't feel comfortable looking in the mirror. But it was easily concealed with the right outfits.
When summer came, there was no denying it. A bikini doesn't cover, that's for sure. I'm a skinny fat. The type of girl who is tall and lean and looks good in clothes and everyone tells is crazy for being on a diet. But when the clothes come off, it's there. The stomach, the hips, and the thighs. Not lean, not toned, and buldging in all the wrong places.
Working out isn't a problem for me. At one point I actually enjoyed running. But I'm an eater. I love all food. Morning, noon, and night. Snacking is second nature. And don't even get me started about my love of mac n' cheese. A box made for a family of four I could demolish in one sitting. When there's food at my work it's like my survival instincts kick in. It's like "I need to eat 3 soft pretzels before they're all gone! It's my last chance! I'll never have an opportunity again!"... we get soft pretzels at least 3x a week. For whatever reason, when I see food it feels like I need to eat it. Even if I'm not hungry it's like my mind thinks I won't ever have the opportunity again and I'll regret it if I don't, when in reality I have so many food opportunities, too many!
I really need to retrain my brain to realize that I can survive if I don't have that pretzel, or cookie, or whatever. That there will be other opportunites down the line, or that I can have just a half a pretzel and be satisfied without binge eating 3. I need to realize that if I pass up eating a brownie, I won't spend the rest of the day, week, month, regretting the opportuinity. In fact it's the opposite. I need to stop having food control me. Because in the end, it's just food.