Lose weight the fun way.

Posted on February 2, 2016

I'm worried I won't make it. I did a one month long one and lost in four weeks what was expect in two. I go to the gym three times a week for a mix of weights and cardio. I ride my bike instead of driving, so I ride a minimum of 30 miles a week. I am eater cleaner and healthier than I have in a long time and it doesn't matter. I'm not gaining muscle either or else I wouldn’t be so bothered. I have one of those body fat percentage readers and it just slowly keeps going up.

I have seen doctors who all say I'm mostly fine, except the pre-high blood pressure and the fact that my height and weight (BMI) say I'm obese. I wear a unisex small t-shirt. I can wear One-Size-Fits-Most leggings. But I'm short and stocky and losing that top layer of fat won't change things.

I’m tired all the time. I feel terrible most mornings but I push through and ride my bike to work then go on my day. I try to move more. I park the car (which I drive for work only) further away to get in those extra 100 steps. I’ve started driving the car back to base and then walking to the gym which is only a mile away. I did all this yesterday and then I passed out for 3 hours. I ended up taking a nap I wouldn’t have needed 4 months ago. I woke up still exhausted. I’ve tried playing with the kids more. Running with them at the gym, chasing them in the grass (when it’s warm enough), playing in the house, having dance parties and just letting lose for 20 minutes at a time. And afterwards I feel awful.

I’ll maybe get that workout or runners high for a few minutes, then it drops me further into a depression, because I can’t help but feel that it was all for not.

I decide last night that I was going to stop weighing myself. Going to stop commenting on my body and let my loved ones know that too. I was going to do what made me happy and along the way maybe that would help my health.

Then I logged in my dietbet. I can’t get out now. I can’t lose this money. So I’m at a cross-roads. I have no medical reason to get out and get my money back, except possible anxiety and depression undiagnosed till I get a therapist. But I think jumping on a scale once of week (more like 3 times a day) is hurting me. I don’t think it is good for me, and that scares me.

I already see myself in the mirror and think, “what a fat waste of space” and I hate myself for it.

So I don’t know what to do. Today is a gym day and I’m honestly dreading it. But I’m going to drop my kids off, take the car home, and walk towards the gym and maybe I’ll feel like busting out a few reps. And maybe it will make me feel better. And maybe it will make me healthier. And maybe this time I will lose the weight to get my money back. Maybe.

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Deanna

02/02/2016 8:56AM

I'm sorry to hear that you are struggling. Perhaps you could consider seeing a reputable Naturopathic Physician (N.M.D.) in your area? Sometimes they can help when all of your blood work looks normal and a regular M.D. can't find anything "wrong" with you. I am currently completing a workbook called, "Ten Days to Self-Esteem" by David Burns, and I think it is great for learning how to challenge negative thought patterns. It IS a lot of work, however, and I think 20 - 30 days to complete it is more do-able. It sounds like you are being really hard on yourself. Best of luck to you.

Ami Lynh

02/02/2016 7:58AM

I'm so SO sorry to hear how hard this is being for you.I take it the thyroid came back fine? Have they checked for PCOS?I think it's important to go to a doctor again, possibly a different one, and to bring this post with you.You are strong, healthy, and SO active...your body, no matter how much you hate it right now, can do SO MUCH MORE than many, many people's (including mine), and it clearly does for you want you need and want: biking, lifting, etc.No matter what the scale says, you have DEFINITELY been doing good and healthy things for your body. What you are doing is still healthy. Your body's desperate need for SO much rest indicates that there is SOMETHING going on medically or physically.Some others who have reported similar symptoms and a struggle to get a diagnosis include someone who found that PART of their thyroid was working fine, but OTHER measurements were off. Here's one:http://www.endocrineweb.com/community/addisons-disease/5800-extreme-fatigue-no-answers-normal-test-resultsI feel so bad for you that this is happening this way.