I ate really bad 2 days ago. about 6,500 cals worth. which used to be my normal. im back to 1,500cals. but i feel such a strong need to stuff my feelings own with food right now. things are rocky with my relationship. I hate the way i look, and im not even talking about my weight. but about my face

my boyfriend sorta works with me at one of my jobs. and he and everyone else wont shut up about how "hott" one of our coworkers are.  idk why it bothers me so much. its just looks.being less attractive does'nt make me a lesser person and yet i still feel that way. before she worked there, I was the "Hottest" one working. its so stupid.

but i feel competitive. i want to be the only one my bf sees. and ik thats so unrealistic. its making me want to starve myself to "win". but having this starving mindset is making me obsess about food and inturn really making it hard not to binge.

There is this man at my OTHER job. (not the one where my bf works) and he treats me like a princess. hes inlove with me and everything. even though there are more beautiful ggirls. he says looks dont faze him and that he is infactuated with my style, posture, essense. etc. it feels amazing.

i want to feel like i can be okay with how i look and am. but society makes it this huge ordeal. idk feeling sad..