Love and True Blood

Posted on October 11, 2015

I love to eat. I do. Before I continue, maybe I should say that I'm currently having a mental breakdown, getting overwhelmed by so many instances in my life, which have been outside my control over the years. There are a great many serious and painful things. The more I process, the less I know. What has always been consistent is food. That's already a lethal notion right there.

I have spent the last 2-3 weeks watching all episodes of "True Blood." And, as cool as the show is, it's left me even more confused about love and relationships. I know... It's not a basis for anything, much less relationships. During the progression of the show, Sookie, the main character, falls in love with Bill, Eric, Alcide and finally marries some guy nobody knows. How is that possible? I know people like that. People who are "in love" with 3 or 4 individuals throughout their lifetime. If love is so hard to find, how is it possible to be "in love" so frequently? Which one is true? Which one is long lasting, "till death due us part," you know? I want to love and love wholeheartedly, but i'm not sure how. I kind of like being an island. I know we weren't built for that type of livelihood and so, i'm working on this aspect of my personality. Still, I like it. Still, I am afraid. I am afraid of so many things. And food, makes it so much better. I wasn't feeling like my best during the past couple of days and I indulged in pizza. Boy, it was delicious! More to the point, it made me feel better about myself. I know, I am adding to the layers of crazy and unstable, but we're all here at some point. Just bear with me... It's like the good is bad and the bad is good. I am confused about with those two relationships- food and people. It's nice to hide behind the food to not face myself or people. When I make an effort to quit hiding and face people, food loses its power for a bit. But, it feels so odd. This behavior is unnatural in me. I need it to become natural, but I don't necessarily want it to become natural. How do I work through all of this?

Thank you for letting me vent.

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Lane

10/12/2015 9:29PM

It might never feel natural, simply because not everyone was born equipped to handle things the same way. But repetition, commitment and practice can make it easier to maintain, and to maintain it for longer amounts of time. For example, I'm not by nature a social person. I'm very stressed by the thought of social situations and I need time to prep myself mentally for them and I need lots of "unwinding" time alone when I come home from social situations. But at the same time, I long for more social interaction. But it seems like when those opportunities arise, I sort of inwardly groan at the thought of it. I force myself to be social and I usually have a great time. I seem very social and outgoing, so nobody can really tell I'm not. I also struggle with knowing being more social is "good" for me and at times craving it and wishing it came easily to me, but at the same time I really love being by myself. I don't know where food comes into it. I think for me there's a tendency to self-sabotage when I start losing. I try to be aware of this tendency so I can call it out if I sense it's about to happen. Hope this helps, because I totally understand what you're saying. Just practice, stick with it, and over time it may feel more natural. Once it feels natural long enough, you might have learned to like that feeling enough for it to stick around. On a funny side note, I used to work on the True Blood set lol! (I live in Los Angeles).

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Happy Girl

Also, the actor who plays Eric, what's he like?

Lane

Sorry for my super late response! I've not been feeling well at all so haven't really been online enough to come to DB. Alex played Eric and he's really friendly and genuine. Stephen is super outgoing and will talk for days and days. Anna was always more standoffish...she was the biggest celebrity going in so I think that made for some noticeable differences. For example, she'd get driven to and from set in a hired car and everyone else just drove themselves. Stephen and Anna are actually married in real life and she gave birth to their twins while on hiatus. The whole cast was pretty awesome and behaved like a huge family. I have lots of photos of myself with all of the cast, but I don't want to post those publicly lol :)

Lisa Y.

10/12/2015 2:59PM

One step at a time!

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Happy Girl

Thank you.