Quick blog about BOUNDARIES

Hey DB friends,

Happy Hump Day! (I hate that saying, haha)

So today I thought I'd blog about something that I'm going to really priveledge this year, in regards to self-work. It's something I need to do, and I know it, and this is the year I test out: having solid BOUNDARIES.

I'm one of those women who feels guilt easily. I feel guilt for the sufferings of people I don't know, I feel guilt for those damn SPCA commercials with the sad looking animals, I feel guilt when I think a negative thought about someone, etc. I feel guilt eaaaasy.

And that gets me in a lot of crappy scenarios, because with guilt comes the word: YES. I say yes to things I don't want to do, out of feeling guilty that I might dissapoint someone. I say yes to helping others, even when they are abusing my assistance. I say yes, when what I really mean to say is no.

I also don't always say what I want to say. Sometimes I will act enthused, when really I'm lukewarm. Sometimes I'll let things slide, when I really want to call someone out. Sometimes I don't say anything at all, when I really want to speak the world.

I want to change this.

I think guilt and not speaking one's mind comes with not really wanting to have presence in the world. I know this is reductionist and there are MANY reasons we don't own our thoughts and feelings, but ultimately, it's about diminishing the self for the sake of others. It's about shrinking so others can have more space. And over time, that causes us to feel, well, small. Unimportant. Not worth speaking our minds about.

Enough time on this spinning blue ball has taught me that I am a good person, and I can imagine this is true for many of us guilty ladies haha. We help people, even when they don't help us in return. We are there for friends, even when we really don't feel like seeing anyone at all. We like doing things for people, because we like people. We don't have to keep proving to ourselves where our morals are: we've tested those waters, and we know we are good people. We KNOW it; I know it.

So this year I am working on defining my boundaries, even if they make other people uncomfortable because they are used to me being 'that girl'. This year, if I don't want to do something, I will say so and not lie about the reasons. If I want something, and it's reasonable, I will ask for it. This year, if someone lies to me and I know it, I will tell them: you are not telling the truth.

This year I will form myself back into the shape of a human being with wants, needs, presence. This year I will put myself first, and not apologize for it. This year I will stand tall and speak my truth, and I will not feel guilt, because I will be honest with myself and with others.

This year I will have presence.

Have a great day, everyone :)

LilyN

12/30/2015 2:50PM

Wow, this is totally me over the years. I've been working on saying no to things in order to focus on myself more. It's hard to give myself that "permission" to (in my mind) disappoint someone. Usually it doesn't even bother the other person that much and each time I realize that it's gotten easier. Weight-wise, it's made a difference in allowing myself to be "rude" and refuse to eat food that I really do not want. At some point it has to become more natural right?

KateElise likes this comment.

KateElise

Good for you for taking those steps! I honestly think it will get easier, for sure (at least I hope, I haven't tested it out enough yet haha!). I think it's one of those things, where after YEARS of doing something, retraining your mind will take some time and some negotiation. It's literally changing a habit. And those habits can sometimes change the nature of friendships, social outings etc, which can make it that much more difficult to stick with. But yeah, persistence I guess, and consistency, and growing over time to normalize that way of being will eventually lead to a second-nature approach to listening to your intuition :)

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