These days are sent to test us. I'm trying to work out whether or not I'm better being at home where I can control my eating but not be moving as much, or better at work where I sit on my ass for 8 hours but walk there and back and walk at lunch time, BUT there is so much more temptation food wise as there is usually biccies in the office, KFC is nearby as is MCdS and various stores.
These first 2 days have been alright, I've not really gone wrong eating wise, I havent done any exercise yet though as I'm battling a withdrawal headache at the moment. Either from sugar or caffiene, not sure which one but I want to battle through it.
Todays menu, no brekkie as I woke up late (hey, its my last day off work before I go back, I'm allowed) Lunch was bean and ham soup, an apple and cottage cheese. Dinner I think will be carrot spaghetti with a thai peanut sauce which I am looking forward to. As my treat for the day I'll have one of my japanese sweets just to get me through the day.
I know I hold a lot of water and retain it so I am weighing myself on a regular basis to make sure I'm not retaining too much. At the same time though I have noticed that I am down 13lbs already, which has scared me so much. Will it stay down that much by the end of the month.... thats still 26 days away!!! Will it go back on, what if I fail, what if overnight it just goes PING and goes back on. Irrational I know, bt that thought is there. I kjnow I can't take my foot off the pedal.
I have weights coming this avo as well to do some weight exercises as well just so I can at least get some indoor exercise done too. I wish myself and everyone on this journey all the luck in the world. I have a lot of weight to lose and I know it isn't going to be a short journey. Its taken 10 years to pile all the weight on so it won't all come off quickly. I have tried so many times before to lose all the weight. Last try I lost 21lb and felt epic that I had lost that. I felt better, I had a slight spring in my step and my eczema cleared up so much. I want to do this for myself but I want to do this for my boyfriend, my mum and my dad as well. They worry about me and my health so much, my dad especially. I just want him to be proud of me and to essentially get his daughter back how he remembers.
This dietbet will take me down 14lbs if I manage it. Thats a tenth of the weight I want to lose. I HAVE to lose 140lb to be back to roughly where I want to be. Where I know I'll be happy and then I can re-evaluate where I want to be. I know it won't be east. I know that I'll probably have excess skin at the end of it all, BUT I'd rather be scarred that be big forever in a day. Skin can be removed and if that needs to be done, I'll wear the battlescars proudly to show that I have overcome this.