I didn't realize you could use the same official weigh in twice, 1 - to end a dietbet and 1- to start another. Or else I would NOT have ate two slices of pizza, half a cup of guac, and 1.5 beers! Oops! Maybe it will spike my metabolism....

half glass full approach.

So my fiance and I got into anotheerrrrr blowout fight. He really hates that I am still taking alli whenever I eat a high fat meal. He thinks taking any medication for weight loss = an eating disorder. My mom has gall bladder issues (and so do I) so I thought taking Alli was preventatively taking care of the issue before I have to get an organ surgically removed- like my mother. I did not see this as ED behavior. For those of you who do not know Alli is not an appetite suppresant. It does not contain caffeine or any of that mumbo jumbo. All it does is take 15% of the fat in a meal you eat and pull it from your small intestine before it is absorbed. See? I am just taking care of my damn gall bladder.


However, Chris made me pinky promise to never order another bottle of Alli again and to finish the ones I have. He said to go to the gym like a normal person. Being told to "go to the gym like a normal person" is triggering. and insulting.

As I was growing more and more embarassed at his behavior at dinner I snuck to the bathroom and took 4 alli pills. You're really only supposed to take 2, I've never taken 4. It must the stubborn part of me or the part of me that is just curious of what happens if you take 4 at once. Well, 16 hours later and now I know 4 pills just gives you a horrible stomach ache. Go figure.

I didn't weigh myself this morning because he was babysitting me like a god damn toddler. I swear he's going to get rid of the scale. He's so clueless and hypocritical. I mentioned how I don't judge him for smoking week 6x a day or chain smoking at night. If anyone's going to die from their unhealthy habits it's him, not me, so why am I the one being judged? When I brought up his unhealthy habits he compared me to our crazy neighbor and called me a toddler and I shut down. This morning I talked to his best friend about it to get some clarity and he actually made me feel a lot better. He reminded me that his father is controlling and his mother is submissive. If Chris's mother was told to stop losing weight, she would obey. However, Nate reminded me I was raised to stand up for myself and to be my best self, no man is going to tell me how to live my life. He told me to let him cool off. I'm going to take some time off from Alli once these pills are gone and see what happens. I just wish it wasn't all or nothing with Chris all the time. 

Sighhhh day 1 of dietbet 2 starts today. So far I had three eggs and 1 piece of whole wheat toast. I was uncomfortably full after eating what used to be my regular breakfast, I guess the half protein shakes in the morning really shrunk my stomach some. I packed a lunch that contains lettuce, black beans, tuna, green peppers, and tomatoes. I'm hoping to have plain skinless chicken breast for dinner but I am sure my controlling maniacal fiance is going to try and tell me I'm killing myself by choosing to eat that. 

Does anyone else have a bunch of people working against their weight loss or is it just me? The only people who support me are so many miles away, it's hard to stay connected to that optimism when I'm always knocked down for trying my best to be healthy. I can't tell if it's his way of controlling me like my ex or if he genuinely cares about my wellbeing bc it seems so backwards.