{{hugs}} I feel empathy in so many ways. I had the huge wake-up call with thinking I was being "realistic", as well. For me (I have to repeat this) FOR ME, becoming obsessive is the only thing that works. I'm a little all or nothing, I guess. I'm all for being more realistic when I reach my goal weight, but while I'm actively achieving that goal, I have to be very narrow-minded about the calories I take in. I'm so sorry that you are feeling defeated. Beating yourself up definitely isn't the answer (but I somehow get the impression that you know that), but maybe you can use the feelings that you have as a wake-up to buckle down to get where you want to be?
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