Okay, I actually dramatically gasped when I got the confirmation that I had successfully signed up for a game. Like, I inputted out all the info, but part of me didn't think I'd actually click the "sign up" button. Annnnd then I did. HA. So I guess this is really happening.
And so is this blog. 100% honesty. Here we go.
I'm pretty nervous. First of all, I literally can't afford not to win. I need that money back. I mean, I need that money now for silly whims like paying bills, but even still, I know I need this more. The truth is I've been overweight for long enough that I don't remember what it's like to not be overweight and even before I was, I was convinced I was. I haven't been happy with my body for a long time. (Maybe ever?)
And yet today, I wiped the dust off my scale -- and no, that's not a metaphor -- and realized I weighed more than I ever had before. I know I've lost a bit of weight the last few weeks so I don't even want to guess at how much higher than number has gone. Still, I saw the number and didn't totally freak out. I told myself that is the highest the number is going to be ever again. And then I looked in the mirror and slowly it dawned on me that I thought I looked beautiful, that regardless of the number on the scale, I felt more connected and content with my looks than I had in a very long long time. (Maybe ever?)
Weird, eh? But I don't think it's a coincidence that I chose the moment I felt good to commit to weight loss. I think feeling good about yourself where you are even if it's not where you want to be, even if it's imperfect, is the key to it, because the truth is it's always imperfect and we're never quite where we want to be. One of my pet peeves is when people look miserable in the "before" picture. I know when I take that photo, I'll be smiling.
I chose the six months options, so I know I have far to go. There will be bumps and plateaus and doubts but I'm committed and more excited than I have ever been about the idea of trying to lose weight and get in shape before.
And for some added stakes, I'll be taking my last photo for this game in Chile. Yes, in about six months, I'm going out of North America for the first time on my first ever longer-than-two-weeks vacation. I'm going to South America with the Chilean side of my family for a couple months-- and I'll be meeting most of them for the first time. I really want to make the most of experience. I want to take photos with my cousins and not have my inner critic lament the angle. I want to go on mountain hikes and not pretend I'm not winded. I want to wear a two piece on a beach for the first time in my life. (Well, we'll see about that one...)
So here we go. First this journey, then that one.
(And some point in between, I also need to learn Spanish...)