I'm back but.....

Posted on September 26, 2014

Been away for a while. Had some wins and some losses.

Nearly gave up a few times. (pretty recently)

Many days crying in my car while eating foods that I shouldn't. Lots of it.

But I am back.

Going to put a better effort. Embrace the journey and keep on keeping on.

Today was a OK day. I am shampooing my carpet while my kds are gone. It is long past due. I have eaten so much food, I am ashamed to admit to what I have eaten. In fact, I have caught myself sobbing while I eat. Mostly from shame.

Some days I feel like an imposter. I feel like I workout a lot yet I cannot lose weight. My body has not changed.

I wonder if I am just making excuses or if I really have a problem.

I don't know.

Comment Now!

CraigM

10/01/2014 9:07AM

It's hard to be honest, but it helps. And I hope it helps you to know that others of us have been there too.

Little steps. Lots of time. You'll make it. We all will! :-)

Paula E.

09/30/2014 5:45AM

Big hugs Sha. I've been in that place before where it seems like I am working out so much, but not seeing any progress. What I came to learn is that losing weight is 80% nutrition and only 20% exercise. So while I was busting my butt in the gym, it was not enough to undo the damage I was doing food wise. If I focus on the healthy food and put more time and energy into planning and packing and shopping for smart food choices and LESS time in the gym, I could tip the scales back in my favor. Perhaps try working smarter, not harder. It's hard for me to remember this too. I'd rather eat that chocolate cake and then try to work it off in the gym, when it'd truly be easier if I didn't have the cake in the first place. Just something to think about. We are here for you Sha. You CAN turn this around. I believe it.

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Biking Syl

09/29/2014 2:02PM

I think food is a way for you to make yourself feel good when you are stressed out (same here). I have been trying to replace that habit with working out to de-stress, but it is tough, obviously. You are already in the middle of solving the issue, though, because you figured out what you are doing. Just keep at it, one day at a time. I might mess up today, but I can't look back. No regrets. I will make a better choice tomorrow. It takes time, but I am working toward that mindset. Let's do this!!

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MandiLynn

09/29/2014 6:12AM

What a powerful post, Sha. It's difficult, having such a complicated relationship with food - feelings of shame/guilt. I FEEL YOU! Julie is right - we are all human and we all fail. The key for me has been getting that 'place' in myself where I'm fed up (no pun intended!) with feeling 'bad'. I know that fries are delicious - and always will be. But the way I feel afterwards isn't usually worth the 5 min of excitement I get from eating them. We know that it is hard to make good decisions. Particularly when you're feeling emotionally drained. Maybe take today to plan out your tomorrow - try and get 30 min of exercise (something fun! a walk somewhere pretty?) and some health(ier) meals than what you've been doing? Little successes end up leading to bigger ones! Planning has been KEY for me. And I know that even if I work out, I'll still gain weight if I don't watch what goes in my mouth (unfortunately!). Just take it one day (or meal!) at a time. Plus - FW's are the best support team! ;)

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Julie Lama

09/27/2014 4:55PM

Wow. Profoundly real. Sounds like you are deeply sad. A big hug. We are human and we all fall. We all have weakness. We all have bad days. We even have things that it is nice to have some help on. Especially those of our emotions. Wheat affects me bad and I have had some tough challenges and adding wheat to the mix makes me an emotional mess. Everything about it is bad for me and my moods. They say you often crave the food that react badly in your body. You have been so honest and real now feel the beautiful person you are inside and stand strong. Not asking you to be perfect, that is a fools errand. But feel your inner strength and turn it to what you desire. Feel how powerful what you want is. Next time you want to eat something bad remember this and how much it means to you more. On an incredibly bad day the food may win or a warm tea. Maybe you will find a bit more strength in that. No one here is perfect. You are in the arms of a group that understand and knows.

CraigM, Paula E., MandiLynn, Amy and Janelle like this comment.