294lbs / 21 stone in weight, 44 years old. History of heart disease in family.
I've been "dieting" all my ife. I've known sensible weight and good health once, for a couple of year only. That was 20 years ago.
It's beyond a joke now, I'm beyond a joke. So I'm at it again, two dietbets this time, failed the last 8 I think. I'll start another tomorrow too.
Got two pots of veg soup boiling, and have eaten well today. But I need to food prep all the time and eat well all the time. It's hard to keep it up. Especially with other stresses in life, work, lack of love life, zero self-confidence, finance worries.
Anniversary of mums death from cancer (3 years ago) is coming in just over 2 weeks. If she could see me now, she'd be greatly saddened. I'm heavier now than when I lost her. That would make her weep. I was close with her, she moved into my house for a number of years and spent her last few years here. We looked after eaach other, until her last few weeks, when I took on the role of parent when she was unable to go to the toilet herself, feed herself and so on. Cancer is horrible. Yet I put myself at risk from bowel/stomach cancer every day.
I'm not stupid. I know about nutrition. I could write a book on nutritional choices, about vitamins, phytonutrients, fibre, the different types of carbs, complete proteins, fresh natual food vs. packaged, water balance, glycogen storage, the role of insulin, you name it. I could write a book on exercise, bone density, differnt types of muscle growth, how fitness is measured, heart strength, lactic buildup, interval vs. steady state vs. resistance training, you name it.
But clearly, I *am* stupid. Because only someone who is stupid would acquire knowledge, and not use it.
To go through life bumping along the bottom as i've been doing, is a life utterly full of failure.
I don't know how to end this, so I will just end it.