I'm really sorry you're going through a rough time. It sounds like you're working hard to figure out the problem. You mentioned that the fresh air felt great, I would suggest doing it again. I know it was hard, but you did it, and it even brought a little bit of good feelings. Keep trying to push yourself just a little bit to do those things that bring you a little happiness, or even just some good feelings if happiness is still out of reach. You can do it! and achieving maintenance, or even some progress while you're in this funk will give you something that you can be super proud of yourself for.
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