It's a sad day in my home.

Posted on December 23, 2014

While I won my first dietbet. My poor sick dog that I have mentioned in some of my other posts passed away this morning. She had a very bad day all day yesterday. She had some sort of accident in which there was blood all around her in the floor and she was unable to get up anymore. She was in too much pain for us to move her. She napped off and on yesterday, but then last night she started having seizures and full body spasms. She was shuddering and squealing and crying in pain all night long. She had her last very bad seizure around 8:25 AM and took her last breaths around 8:28. I made a bed of pillows and laid by her side all night until she passed this morning. She had seizures and spasms a one every 20-30 minutes. I will miss her very deeply as will my parents. The other dog we had that grew up with her passed last November. She had been very sad without her this past year and suddenly started declining rapidly this last month. She was 14.5 and the one we lost last year was 1 month shy of 14. They lived long and happy lives, but will forever be missed.

I won my first dietbet with my weigh out last night and don't have another weigh out until Friday. However grief has overcome me and I just can't seem to stop eating. I was eating well so far today until someone dropped off some doughnuts that were ordered through a fundraiser and I ate a whole one. I can't seem to stop being hungry. I know I'm just trying to bury my grief. But it's ok to mourn the loss of a fur baby isn't it? I will get back on track tomorrow I swear to myself. I wouldn't want all this work to go down the drain and neither would she or her previously departed sister.

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Erin

01/05/2015 7:22PM

I'm sorry to hear of your loss. I'm sure she was comforted by your presence. I had an older cat that waited for me to come home from work to take his last breath in my arms. He had been sick for a while, too. They love us as much as we love them.

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GeminiWitch83 Amanda

I'm sorry for your loss too. It's so hard to lose them. The house is so empty now. I'm just glad she's not in pain anymore though & your cat isn't sick anymore.

Julie G.

12/25/2014 6:30PM

I'm so sorry about your dog. I know they all have to leave us some day, but that doesn't make it any easier to lose them. It always seems too soon. I'm so glad your baby's suffering is over.

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GeminiWitch83 Amanda

You said it very well what I was struggling to articulate. At least humans understand to an extent unless they medically can't understand for some reason. They are often either at peace with it towards the end, or it's a sudden shock. Pets though only know they are in unbelievable pain and are suffering and don't understand why we as pet parents can't make it better. Thanks for understanding. Again, I'm sorry for your losses too. It does heal a little with time, but not completely.

Julie G.

Thank you for your condolences. Death is never easy, even if it is expected or a welcome end to suffering. It's all the worse when it's unexpected. I am so sorry about your brother. I have 2 sisters and cannot imagine losing them. I know you need to go through the grieving process, and I know it won't be pleasant, but I hope you can focus on all of the good times, and not that last bad day or week. I spent a lot of time feeling guilty about how much pain my dog was in during his last few weeks--I wished I had made the decision to euthanize him sooner. But in time, I realized that I did the best I could at the time, and those were just a few weeks among 14 very happy years, and that's what I needed to think about. So, I hope you treat yourself kindly. Feel the grief for your baby's loss, but don't punish yourself by focusing on all the negatives.

GeminiWitch83 Amanda

12/24/2014 10:54AM

Oddly enough the baby that is featured in my profile picture is the one I lost last November. My fur-baby who passed yesterday would not pose for a Mommy & me selfie with me. I do have several pictures of her by herself, but she did not like for me to get that close to her face.

Rhonda C.

12/24/2014 6:18AM

I am so sorry for the loss of your dog.. that has to be so tough! Remember all the great times you have had! Keep those memories close at heart and good for you... get back on track... It's hard, but you got this!!!

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GeminiWitch83 Amanda

Thanks! I had a dream about her last night in which she was happier and healthier than ever. Poor baby suffered too much in the last week or two, but was doing so badly we couldn't even get her into a car to take her to the vet. Poor thing suffered way way too much on her last night/morning. I was in misery for her. I am just relieved at this point that she is no longer suffering. It will be hard to get that last night out of my memory, but in time it will fade. The holidays are difficult because Christmas was always her favorite. Her sister that passed last year loved it too because her birthday was on Christmas Eve. But at least I have 13.5 years of happy memories of both of them because that's how long each of them lived here with us.

Kelsey D.

12/24/2014 6:12AM

I am so sorry to hear of your fur baby's passing. I offer you my condolences. May you find peace and soothing and strength to put the doughnuts down.

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GeminiWitch83 Amanda

Thank you. I did just eat one doughnut. It was good, but was way too sweet by the end of it my teeth were hurting. I overate my 1,000 calorie deficit goal, but I still had about 750 deficit. I even lost some weight. I will greatly miss my fur baby and it brings back how hard it was to lose her sister last year too. It is strange without any fur babies in the home for Christmas. The one who passed last November was born on Christmas Eve, and she and the fur baby that passed yesterday both love love loved Christmas and the whole month of December. Poor baby was doing so poorly lately she wasn't even excited for it yet this year other than spending her time laying under the tree which she always loved to do.

Janine C.

12/23/2014 2:02PM

I'm so sorry about your dog, I hope you're feeling ok. I know you have worked very hard with your DB challenge. A few not so healthy snacks are totally ok when you're under major stress. Perhaps one of your yoga dvds would be a nice stress reflief-plus count as a workout. Hang in there. :)

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Janine C.

Hope things went well today and you get some much needed sleep tonight. Glad your pup is resting with her sister now and has peaceful place. Good job getting your steps and staying within your calorie goal. You are a strong woman!

GeminiWitch83 Amanda

Thanks. I got plenty of sleep last night/this morning for once in a long long time. I was even had a dream of my beloved lost fur babies. I am about to get ready to go to my boyfriend's parents' house with him for dinner this evening. I didn't quite meet a 1,000 calorie deficit yesterday, but I did manage about a 750 deficit. I am having a hard time of letting go of that horrid memory of my baby's last night that was. However, I know that memory will fade. I am blessed with lots of precious memories of how much they truly enjoyed the Holiday Season though and all their other great memories.