I think I have considered trying just about everything, minus the surgery options, and the diet programs I have ruled out I already know are not right for me because they limit WAY too much. I love food, plain and simple. That being said, I usually have a very healthy diet and make thoughtful decisions regarding food. But somewhere this past year that all changed. I stopped worrying about what I put in my mouth and didn't hold back. I'm not saying that I went crazy, but I do admit that I did have a run of seven consecutive days of having ice cream--something that I NEVER do.
My weight gain this year has taken a toll on me as I have now gained back every bit of weight that I dropped four years ago. I truly need to start over. I am not happy with my appearance and don't want my picture taken. I have zero fitness and if ever faced with a zombie apocalypse, bear attack, or alien invasion, I would be one of the first to get eaten, probed, or turned into a zombie because the only people I could outrun would be those who literally can't run and so it would only put off the inevitible.
Seriously though, the sad thing is I didn't used to be this way. I loved to run, swim, hike, and bike. I played three sports in college and didn't think twice about doing something physically active. Now all I seem to do is think about it. My biggest obstacle to my success is my motivation. I find it difficult to stick to my goals, to keep my eyes on the prize.
My life's work is training future physical education teachers and my personal habits have digressed to the point to where I feel like a total hypocrite. I went to the doctor and had blood work ran and while my gluclose levels are still considered normal, they are on the very high end of normal and that really concerns me. I don't want to be the reason for my own health problems. I want to take control of my life and start making those changes so that I can enjoy many, many, many years with my family and not worry about getting diabetes or any other hypokinetic diseases. I want to be able to be viewed as someone who walks her talk to my students and be able to inspire others to make a change. My friends and family have always viewed me as someone who achieves every single thing I set out to do. I wanted a college scholarship, I worked for it and made it happen. I wanted to become a teacher, same thing--it took me nine years but I did it. I decided to go back to graduate school and get my master's and Ph.D.--six years later I was walking across the stage with a Ph.D. None of those accomplishments were easy. I had detractors along the way but I always focused on prize. But somehow losing weight and making these very personal changes have been VERY hard for me. I stumble and fall after a few weeks or even days. I don't understand how or why I accept failing where this is concerned when I have never accepted failure in the past.
So here's what I am going to differently. I will take a Before picture and post it (maybe not publicly but at least where I can see it). I will try not to be so hard on myself if and when I stumble. I won't let a single misstep derail my goals. A long time ago I learned a lesson about starting over and changing my attitude. Someone told me, "It's never too late to start your day over." If I was having a bad day, if things weren't going my way, I could make a decision to start my day over. I wasn't in a "Groundhog's Day" time warp, but I could change my attitude and not let whatever was bothering me destroy my whole day. Maybe this is the attitude I need with this journey? Maybe, if I slip up, I simply start it anew at that moment? Of course I think I will have to think about what led to the slip in the first place and try to plan better or make a better decision the next time, but maybe this is how I don't give up? Finally, I will try to filter out the negative messages that play in my head and that may be spoken.