GAHH Guilt WHY!!

Posted on February 4, 2016

Has guilt ever haulted your progress? Do you have unhealthy people living with you that sometimes makes this transition a little more difficult than it needs to be? Are you having issues with people not understanding? It's okay.. I'm here, we all are, vent if you need to or just remember you're not alone, unfortunatly I think it's just part of this process.

I hate the feeling of guilt, especially when it's connected to absolutly nothing you should feel guilty about!

Since I started my health Journey most things i've been invited to - parties, celebrations, family night, card night, really have nothing to do with partying, celebrating anything, catching up with family, winning the pot.. it's about the FOOD! When you spend you're life eating a 90/10 clean diet, that gets a little easier and tastier everyday the anxeity that comes with these invitations can be so paralyzing! I'm not sure if throwing in the towl and staying overweight and unhealthy or seeing a therapist to analyze these anxiety issues i have with food is the best way to go. BUT I start to freak out and turn down invitations.. I haven't gone out to JUST go to a bar to drink and eat soft pretzels in months, I turn down parties, work potlucks, and cringe every week at the thought of family dinner night which typically is every Sunday with either my family or my inlaws- I get two cheat meals a week and the family gets to pick one of them... NOT ME.. not cool.

I shouldn't feel guilty for avoiding things I know I can't say no to right now.. If someone said to me FREE CHICKEN FINGERS with a buffalo sauce fountain and a ranch fountain.. i'd be like sign me up! Oh save me a spot on that wagon.. I want to get all up in that!

The only time I hangout with people voluntarily now is when I'm at my box, Zumba Church (where no one really talks to each other), or my yoga place. So really I am actually really social but i'm starting to lose friends because I need to focus on what's important. Drinking which I don't really enjoy like I did when I was 18..errr 21. :P Even though speaking of drinking.. i'm gaining an active group of friends and keeping my non active friends... i've noticed the non active friends like to meet to have dinner and a movie or lots of snacks and cards.. my active friends like to get together to work out and then go drinking lol..

Being able to say no by myself is a HUGE thing! HUGE! Saying no to bad choices when I'm with good people is so hard, you don't want to make them feel bad for their choices, or make them feel like crap for working really hard on a plate of an unhealthy crowd pleaser. I think that's part of why I avoid social functions now, no matter what I will make someone feel guilty, I was at an origami owl party last friday, I turned down sugary alchoholy champaign punch in place of my water (I was driving, I had my Mom, i'm dieting, and I just got a new jeep, nothing was getting me to have a drop of alcohol!) and she looked like I slapped her in the face.. drinking isn't a priority anymore, sugar isn't a prioity anymore, but unfortunatly others make me feel guilty for it and i make them feel guilty for not partaking.

MAKING SMART CHOICES DOESN'T GIVE ANYONE THE RIGHT TO MAKE YOU FEEL GUILTY!

It doesn't matter if it's you choosing water at a party, turning down a chinese buffet with coworkers, changing up your schedule a little bit to start going to a great cycle class..NO ONE HAS THE RIGHT TO MAKE YOU FEEL GUILTY ABOUT ANY OF THAT! Just like WE don't have the right to make anyone feel guilty for serving a hot cheesy queso dip with salty tortilla chips at a party instead of serving a veggie platter!

I think guilt is part of why maybe we aren't always successfull at dieting, I mean really show of hands how many of you is dieting for the first time.. yea I doubt I would see many hands in the air. It's not only the temptation but also the guilt that can lead to temptation, is you're significant other a huge all you can eat fan, are your best friends big drinkers and partiers, is your mom like the MOST amazing baker, is it Taco Tuesday at work? It's so hard to turn down a date night INITIATED BY HIM, girls night out, Mom's cookies! Has anyone ever noticed how tempations are so much drivin by guilt and how much easier they are to say no to if there isn't a guilt factor? Think about the last time you cheated with food.. were you in a social situation or by yourself..

I'm sure you're husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend is more than capable of putting a frozen pizza in the oven if they don't feel the need to join you in eating a little healthier. I'm sure they will be perfectly FINE looking for that TV remote and navigating through the channels, it's not YOUR fault they are bored because they made the desision not to go to the gym with you! IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT! You've offered and offered and tried to include them as best as you could.. they didn't take the bait. Not your problem anymore. You keep eatting you're grilled chicken salads with walnuts and that tablespoon of clean sugar free homemade vinagrette you offered to share. You don't take guilt from them and you don't give them guilt either though.

Have the most successful day and don't feel bad for making those smart choices! Don't let someone take away your power!

Tootles!

Comment Now!

Biking Syl

02/04/2016 1:05PM

So true! It gets even tougher when it comes to food at work, because you HAVE to socialize there to make sure you are part of the group. I found that it helps to make up a medical reason. Some people still won't back off, but most get it, if you say it's doctor's orders or that you can't drink while on medication. I think it is wonderful that you are starting to build a new circle of fitness friends, too. It can be so tough to lose a few old friends - but are they really your friends, if they start sabotaging you? They might come around, if you give them time and re-connect with them later, after they got used to the new you. Good luck, hope it works out for you! Some might even follow you, you never know.

Abby likes this comment.

Abby

LMAO OMG! When I was doing Whole30 i was getting so much shame for drinking water at a bachorette party and I used the Antibiotics excuse! I was getting really annoyed too so someone asked my what the Antibiotics were for and I just said rash! No one came close to me for the rest of the night and I was A-Okay with that! Yes my new fitness "squad" I learned this morning that is what they called themselves have been so wonderful and nice and they include me and there isn't any guilt or shame it's just 100% support! I am loving it! Good luck to you too!! I hope someday some of my friends will notice their waist lines getting a little bigger and look back at what I was doing for myself and they come asking questions.. I really do. Bluh!

Terri S.

02/04/2016 9:18AM

This just hits home. My girlfriends from school get together once every 3 months or so for dinner. We ALWAYS have to go to this Mexican restaurant where normally I would just nosh out, have a couple drinks and enjoy the night. This time, I scoured that menu for 2 days before we went to find something "healthy". I finally ordered 2 chicken soft tacos with sour cream on the side. You know what I got? I got "really 2 chicken tacos that's it? Aren't you hungry, what you on a diet? One beer, that's it? You don't want a frozen margarita?" I felt guilty, why I don't know...I guess I thought I was letting them down. BUT it sure paid off the next day, my scale didn't go up and I felt awesome....so no more guilt here, just gonna do my thing and let them deal with it.

Biking Syl likes this comment.

View 3 more comments

Abby

That's so awesome LilyN! It's so great to have a support system who are all on the same page!! I have friends who love to work out but weight loss isn't their goal, so they have no problem asking if I want to go to Yoga and then go get a drink afterward! I don't really have any friends right now trying to lose weight, so it's hard! Yes Terri! It isn't easy but it is possible to go out and still eat healthy, if nothing on the menu looks okay or I didn't have time to study I'll always get a plain meat and a side of veggies, or eggs lol, my nephew loves big boy so I do a lot of eggs and turkey sausage haha. Not super gourmet but hey.. someone else cooked and cleaned!! :)

LilyN

OMG, so I feel like I spoke too soon. Yesterday I skipped my morning work out because I was going to meet up with friends to try out a free yoga class after work. One friend says to meet her at a nearby store as she needs to buy yoga and work out pants. We're all running late and by the time we get there, she finds pants and tries them on we see that we'd be super late for the yoga class. So, instead of trying to squeeze in late at a class we'd never been to, we said let's just skip it and keep shopping. Of course, shopping starts to run long, so now we need to eat. It's way past when I'd normally eat and I'm edging up on hangry. My friend says she NEEDS a margarita, so we end up having fajitas and margaritas at a restaurant across the street. As an unplanned outing, I didn't have my systems in place. I started eating the free chips with salsa even though I don't really love them and I had to stop myself. Like what am I doing??? I made the best of it by eating mostly the meat and veggies, avoiding the guac and sour cream, but man, it totally felt like I was falling into that same habit loop of hanging out with these friends and eating/drinking everything in sight!