Ever since January I have really been trying to change my lifestyle in terms of not only food but mental approach to food and exercise.
Let's be honest here. The old adage is true, that nothing is easy that is worth it. It's much too easy to slip into complacency with the luxuries we have around us, and not notice until too late that we've become buried under it. To get back out is a huge effort, and you have to want to.
With the upcoming wedding, I decided to make that date a goal for me to become stronger. (Note: Not skinnier. With strength will come a fit bod) Then of course once I realized the dressmaker would need SOME time to fix my dress, I changed the goal time to about my birthday.
It seemed to make perfect sense. I'd drop weight, celebrate my day, send my dress in for final measurements and wash my hands of my chub and enjoy a few months of a summer wardrobe before the big day. But it isn't so easy as all that.
Getting up to go to the gym, to walk to work, to use my lunch to circle the blocks, to get my steps in- it isn't easy. And many days- it isn't fun. It's a hassle to carry my stuff in a backpack, to ignore the creeps early in the morning yelling stuff at me, to be overheated when I get to work, to cut my lunch short so I can hustle out the door early for the gym, to quickly change and know you are willingly facing a hard workout, to not know anyone at my workout, to go through an hour of talking yourself into one more minute, to get home and realize that that's what you spent 'your' time on, and now you need to shower and go to bed and start again tomorrow.
As for eating- it has evolved. The word 'diet' has become such a pathetic word these days- almost synonymous with failure and fad. I use it to describe what it used to mean- what I put into my body. My new diet consists of healthier choices- that's all. It used to sound sanctimonious to me when someone ate avocado and sesame seeds on a cracker then proclaimed they were stuffed for the day, or seemed to willingly dig into a salad at a steak and seafood buffet. It always seemed like restriction and deprivation.
Right now, I have come to new terms with food. I see it as I personally think it used to be- fuel littered with treats. Food is literally fuel for our bodies, but its become clogged with so much extra that our systems can't help but to run slower and less efficiently. Cleaning up the fuel isn't deprivation. Don't get me wrong, I don't live on lettuce and sesame seeds. But nowadays I'd rather have a whole plate of nourishing food, than one sugar-packed donut. On days when I throw it to the wind and do over-indulge like eat past the point of full, or go way over my sugar/sodium goals, I feel myself becoming sluggish, heavy, ill-fitting and it super sucks.
Ill-fitting. That rings a bell with me. For so long I felt ill-fitting; my skin didn't fit, my clothes didn't fit- I DIDN'T FIT. Now that I focus on what exactly I'm eating- is it clean? Does it help my goal or hinder it? Does it taste good? Is it what I want? Will I regret this? Will I be happy with how this makes me feel?- I actually feel freer. I don't need to worry about feeling guilty, fat, disgusting, heavy, sluggish, or ill-fitting if I just scrape off the giant mound of greasy cheese on my enchiladas. I can still have the enchiladas, still have some cheese. But by being aware of how each bit of my meal will affect me, I control how I feel, and I control what fuels me.
Since January, I have come a long way. I didn't seriously start focusing until March, but in the time this year I have been able to go from running 5.5 mph for 2 minutes before stopping, to running 5.5 mph for 10 minutes without stopping. I have gone from a size L/XL to a size M/L, sometimes just M. I have dropped to the lightest I've been in 7 years, by losing 12 pounds. I no longer wake up feeling like I was poured into a balloon. I go to the gym smiling more often than not, excited to see how I can challenge my body today. Since I started trying to become healthier in 2014- amidst fibroids and surgery and life in general, I've lost an overall total of 35 pounds. That number has gone up and down and all around town. It has never simply fallen without time and effort.
Instead of telling myself that I'd rather be in bed, I focus on my goals; becoming a ninja unicorn Power Ranger superhero all-star kick-butt assassin spy. I push myself. I tell myself I can, even when I fail. I'm sore, I'm tired sometimes but I feel like I'm not only using my body for exercise, but I'm getting to know it. I know when I need to drink water- not just because I feel thirsty, but by all the other ways. I know when I haven't worked out because I get restless.
That doesn't mean I'm dancing and singing on the way to the gym, working out can suck SO HARD. But I get to decide. It's MY DECISION which crappy feeling I'm going to deal with that day; working out for an hour, or feeling ill-fitting for life.
This year I'm celebrating progress, and I urge anyone else that might feel in a rut, ill-fitting or unhappy, to shake off the dust and get out of their comfort zone. Working out doesn't have to be the mantra, but make some progress. For YOU.