I wrote this for my SparkPeople blog today:
If you're reading my blog, you probably know I've been doing something called Diet Bet. Back in November, I bet $125 that I could lose 10% of my body weight in 6 months. Today, that game ends. And the number I see on the scale today just isn't what I thought I'd see. Mathematically, it isn't even what I "should" see. But more on that later.
First, a brief history of me. I was overweight for most of my childhood and young adulthood, topping out somewhere north of 220 in my early 20's. At 5-foot-3-inches on a good day, I was obese by anyone's measurement. I had tried and failed to lose weight many times - but binge eating, emotional over eating, lack of exercise, and huge family dinners kept me from being able to make any significant changes. My weight kept climbing, and I fully expected I would always be overweight and feel alone, unattractive, and unlovable.
When I was 26, something changed. To this day I can't pinpoint exactly what happened. I bought a treadmill and walked a mile every day. I counted calories (cutting them way too low in fact) and took an herbal supplement that has since been removed from the market and likely caused my high blood pressure, but I'm grateful it didn't kill me. I lost 90 pounds in a year - and completely changed my life. I maintained that loss for several years, but when my (first ever) romantic relationship started to fail, emotional eating reared its ugly head and my weight began to creep up. When that relationship ended, I gained back even more weight.
I never gained it all back, though. Something in me refused to go all the way back to my old life. When I reached 188 pounds, I dug in my heels and said, "NO MORE." I found Inside Out Weight Loss and began changing the way I think about and relate to food. Gradually, my weight started going back down, ultimately settling into the 160's. My weight and stayed relatively steady for several years. I had mixed emotions about this. I was very grateful I wasn't as heavy as I had been; I was grateful my weight wasn't going UP; yet I wasn't happy where I was, either. I felt stuck in limbo, neither fat nor fit, not sure what to do. I was already exercising regularly and eating healthfully *most* of the time, but I wasn't creating a big enough calorie deficit to lose weight.
It was at this point that I heard about Diet Bet. Basically, you bet money on your ability to lose weight. If you lose the required percentage of weight, you win all your money back and then some. If you don't lose the required percentage, you lose your money. There's an active, energetic, and engaged online community as well. It all sounded fun and motivational - like it might be the extra push I needed to consistently eat appropriately for my goals.
It worked. Suddenly I had an obvious reason to say no to the french fries, the dessert, the extra beer. I was inspired by the people I met in the online community. And, since I was being consistent with my eating, I lost weight. Even during the holidays, I lost weight. Last week I reached my 10% goal weight of 147. I thought I had this game in the bag!
But my body had other ideas. This is one of those 2 weeks of the month where my weight goes up, no matter what I do. And I have been doing everything "right." I've been drinking my water, getting sleep, meditating, eating my vegetables, working out, etc. etc. Yet today, my weight is up to 149.6, and today's weight is the one that matters.
I'm annoyed, irritated, angry, frustrated, disappointed. I feel the pull of my unhealthy place. I hear my mind start to throw words like "failure" and "waste of money and time" at me. I am aware of an impulse to try to do something drastic - like not eat all day - just to try to win. I even hear Jillian Michaels' voice from one of her workout DVDs: "Do not FAIL at the END!"
But I also hear Bono's voice gently crooning, "There is no failure here, sweetheart - just if you quit." And I hear my own voice saying, "Long-term success requires me to skilfully deal with short-term disappointments." It's easy to stay on track when life is going great and the scale is my friend, but it's what I do RIGHT NOW that really matters. Do I give up? Eat a pint of ice cream because I "failed" or skip my workout because I'm disappointed? Nope. Not me.
In the end, I cannot control the number on the scale. A lot of factors outside of my control are responsible for the number on the scale; all I'm responsible for is my behaviors. Drink water. Eat healthfully in my calorie range. Exercise consistently. Meditate. Sleep. If I'm doing those things, I am succeeding - and the scale will catch up.
When I signed up for this Diet Bet I was stuck, insecure, unsure. Now I am focused and motivated! I've released 14 pounds! I was looking forward to spending my winnings, but I can live with that disappointment. Onward - and DOWNWARD! :)
http://www.sparkpeople.com/blog/blog.asp?post=55_things_the_scale_wont_tell_you