I had a great July 4 week with my family.
It was great to see my Dad for the first time (in person) since his prostate surgery. He is not quite himself yet, but overall he's doing well and we are optimistic he will continue to improve. His next "big" appointment is on July 21 when he will find out his current PSA levels, which will help the doctors know if they got all the cancer out during surgery or if he needs radiation therapy too. I appreciate continued thoughts and prayers for him.
It was great to spend time with my cousins. I don't have siblings, but I've always been very close to my cousins. I'm the youngest of my generation, and some of my older cousins are in rough shape. Years of unhealthy eating and inactivity have worn down their bodies; in some cases old injuries that never fully healed have nearly ruined lives; and frankly, years of mind-numbing jobs seem to have dulled minds and driven away ambition and enthusiasm, leaving them feeling "stuck." THEY don't see this; they think they are happy. Maybe they are, but to me it seems a miserable way to live. One of my cousins is facing a double-hip replacement and is in so much pain she can barely walk, yet she works full time in a physically demanding job. Another cousin has so much pain in her feet (partly due to excess weight) that she too has trouble even walking. Two of my cousins are nurses, yet are enormously overweight. Two other cousins suffer from depression and anxiety to the point that they couldn't join the family for our barbecue. A cousin and my Aunt have diabetes yet eat as if they were perfectly healthy.
To say the least, it's disturbing. One of my second cousins' step daughters is 13, beautiful, and boy-crazy. A typical, innocent teen-ager. She's also put on a little weight - not enough to make her "fat" but enough to be noticeable. My second cousin (her step mom), who loves this girl and for all intents and purposes is her "real" mom, is obese. The girl's grandmother (my cousin's wife) is also obese. In fact, looking around at the family, 99% of us could lose some weight and more than 50% are actually obese. Yet, people were focused on poor Alyssa. One of my Aunts pulled up her shirt at patted her belly, saying something like, "What's up with this?" I nearly flipped out but held my tongue until Alyssa skipped away, seemingly unfazed by the experience. I told my Aunt, respectfully I hope, "You need to be very careful what you say to her right now. Yes, she's put on some weight, but she's growing and will probably drop it as soon as she gets back into school sports. Look at the people around her. What she needs is someone to say, let's go for a walk or let's go for a bike ride."
What I took away from that experience is the knowledge that my home town is in fact a toxic environment. My family is not healthy - physically or emotionally. Thankfully my parents are on the healthier end of the spectrum, but I know myself. If I still lived in that setting I would be as obese and miserable as most of them are. I've often felt guilty for living so far from my family, yet I see now that I could not be who I am if I lived there. I am not yet strong enough to be a good example for them; I would simply succumb and be like them. From a distance however, I can live my healthy lifestyle and hopefully show some of them that it is possible to make different choices and live a different life.
When I got back from my trip, I decided to eat a completely whole-foods, plant-based diet (in other words, vegan) for a few days. The extra pounds from my holiday dropped right off and I felt great! Then last night I went out for drinks with some friends. My mind slipped back into "party mode" and before I knew it I ordered two beers and a pulled-pork sandwich with, wait for it, TATER TOTS. The portion was huge. It was also delicious, but I easily could have stopped half way through. I didn't. I ate the whole thing. I was, predictably, stuffed and uncomfortable most of the night.
Today I'm grateful to return to my whole-foods plant-based diet. I do usually include some ethically-sourced eggs and dairy, and even more rarely, meat, in my diet, but for a couple days I want to keep the focus on vegetables, fruits, nuts and seeds, and legumes. Otherwise, even without eating meat, it's too easy for me to skimp on the vegetables.
I've realized again that my desire to eat more than I need is very strong and runs through my entire family. Nearly all of us suffer from a compulsion to over eat (the one who doesn't has a gambling problem, so she certainly isn't compulsion-free) - and we all seem to have some inner drive toward self-destruction. Some of us are managing that better than others, but it's still there. In my healthy city with my walking and biking paths, myriad gyms and healthy restaurants, it's much easier for me to be healthy than it would be if I lived close to my family. But I still have my own battles to fight.
My new mantra is: STOP looking for a reason to "indulge." START looking for a way to stay on plan!
Because ultimately, I'm healthier and happier when I do!