When I was nine years old, I saw a list my best friend had posted beside her bed. It was her daily schedule written in her beautiful cursive handwriting and included specific times for when she would wake up, brush her teeth, pack her backpack and catch the bus. She not only wrote the list, but followed that schedule every single day. Unlike me, she never forgot her lunch or missed the bus or woke up too late to curl her bangs (she had some ah-mazing 80s bangs).
My reaction upon seeing her list was immediate. At a young age I knew what I wanted to be when I grew up: A perfectionist.
Over the years, this aim to be a perfectionist has not always acted as a positive force in my life. Because this DietBet has propelled me into soul searching mode, I did some research with my buddy Internet and found out a few things.
What are the traits of a perfectionist?
- Motto: “Go Big or Go Home”
- All or nothing approach to life
- Highly critical of self (and sometimes others)
- Great attention to detail
- Eager to please
- Being labeled “average” creates panic
- Making a mistake creates mini-devastation
- Spends inordinate amounts of time mulling over outcomes
I am indeed a perfectionist. I thought for a long time that because I’m overweight, this label doesn’t fit me (even though all the traits listed above fit me to a tee). Aren’t perfectionists all skinny and well, perfect? See below.
Perfectionists have a high rate of failure. Perfectionists struggle with acceptance and routinely set themselves up for failure. It becomes a vicious circle of failure, lowered self-esteem and even depression or feelings of despair. Perfectionism is highly correlated with fear of failure and self-defeating behavior. Doesn't this ring true for those times when cheat meals turn into a cheat day or week? Been there, done that.
The above info made me do some introspective thinking and start to take stock in how critical I am of myself. Among the things I’ve chastised myself for this week: On Monday I ate string cheese with my apple (I’m trying to stay away from dairy). On Tuesday I had a bourbon neat AND a glass of wine at my parents’ house. And yesterday, I not only had an extra spoonful of balsamic vinaigrette on my salad, but I cut my 40 minutes of cardio short by 10 minutes. By mid-week, I was ready to label myself a total loser.
Looking at this list, I realize that I spend a lot of time being judgmental and picking on myself for seemingly inconsequential things. When I listed out my successess for the week, there was a list four times as long; still, I spent all my brain power focused on the negative actions. It made me a little sad - I wouldn’t let anyone else treat me like this – why am I letting ME be so mean to ME? In my research, I found this great quote: “You wouldn’t allow stinking garbage to build up in your house without taking action. Likewise don’t let negative thinking build up in the inner sanctuary of your mind.”
I'm exhaused from being my own worst enemy. Over the next week, I’m going to do my best (although not be perfect!) to do the following:
- Practice authenticity, let down my shield of perfectionism and express vulnerability (GULP!)
- Strive for excellence, not perfection. One string cheese doesn’t mean I have to give up!
- Re-route the negative to the positive. Recognize and applaud myself for my accomplishments.
- When negative thoughts creep in, my mantra will be: SHUT IT DOWN! (ala Tina Fey/30Rock)
Have you had success in shutting down the negative thoughts? What tools have you used?
Thoughts and suggestions appreciated!