I hear everything you are saying! I struggled with this so much...and still do. It's tough but the thing that is helping me right now is that whole "fake it til you make it" mentality. I start with little things - like I'll be happy just with getting out for a run no matter how long/far I go (even though I think poorly of myself if it's less than 30 minutes or a certain distance) and it took a while but now, I'd say 75% of the time, I AM happy with just getting out. Not great - but getting there. Another key has been to actually focus less on myself - counter-intuitive but it works for me. I love to read the accomplishments of others, and by sharing in those moments it helped me to realize that no accomplishment is trivial - they are all worth something, and they all contribute to my sense of worth. It's finally clicking how ridiculous it is to be proud of others and yet down on myself about the same accomplishments! I am my own worst enemy, when it comes to lots of things, but my positivity/negativity is something that only I can control - I minimized my interactions with the negative people in my life (sorry FB, bye bye), increased my interactions with like-minded folks and made a conscious decision to be kind to myself. Today, I will not focus on the cheesecake that I ate that was not in my meal plan - I will forgive myself the cheat - instead, I'm thinking about my rosebush that bloomed this morning after I nurtured it back to health from the verge of death after last win
Lindsey M. and Aimes like this comment.