Abby, I read this last night and was blown away. I literally could not respond until I had time to process it. You writing is pure, raw, gut wrenching stuff all of which speaks of a woman who is placing intense, irrational pressure on herself. You are correct about the therapy. You would benefit immeasurably from sitting down with an objective person who could help you understand the changes that you are going through in your own eyes and ion the eyes of your friends and family. The sentence you wrote about your father's voice when you spilled the water touched me. I understood that all too well as do I understand the anxiety and fear which you now live with. Top all of this off with wedding plans and it is little wonder than you are showing wear and tear. I'll tell you a little story. I perform wedding ceremonies. It is a hobby I acquired when a friend of mine couldn't find a preacher to go out to a park to do it. It is absurdly easy in Minnesota to become certified. I was ordained online and with that I was certified in this state. I tell you this not just to make you smile *wink wink*, but also to give you a piece of advice. It is something that I tell each and every bride (I tell the bride because grooms generally just need to know when to show up). The best man might show up drunk, a seam may tear in your dress, or the caterer may drop the cake on the way to the reception, BUT at the end of the day you will be married. Don't panic, stay calm, and enjoy the experience no
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