Rational Behavior

Posted on February 29, 2016

I saw this poster at the the Community Center today when I dropped off of one of the old birds who rides the bus. The thought struck me as being profound in a Zen like way. It was like crawling up the side of a mountain, finding the wise man at the top, and coming away with the secret to life. Ok, maybe not quite that profound, but it resonated in my heart.

I have been in that position before with food. I have looked failure in the eye as I am sure everyone has. "Ok, kid, it is go time. You have been on this diet for 3 days now and suddenly somebody is offering you a donut. If you eat it you are done. Ok, ok, I can do this. Just say no. Ok, I did it."

Five minutes later the food part of your brain, the real master, starts," Hmmm...donut. Donut. Where did they put those donuts? Oh I really don't want one, do I? I wonder if that kind I like with all that stuff on it is still there? Let me go look. Ok, still there. I'm good. You know, I could eat just half and still maintain. Hell, a six mile walk would take care of those extra calories. No, I'm good."

Boom! Twenty minutes and three donuts later I feel like hell physically and the self loathing has just begun to kick into gear.

This is what it is like for me. On the wrong day, if I were offered something like that and I knew that it was sitting around my screwed up brain would give me no peace until I become wreckage, the king of despair.

Seeing this poster today drilled me right between the eyes. This is what normal people do. When faced with the choice of whether or not to give in they look into their heart and ask themselves, "Why did I start this in the first place?" That, my friends is rational thought. Being able to get in touch with the pain of being fat. The self contempt that weakness fuels. "Remember when you were so fat that__________________________________? We can all finish that sentence in our own way.

The time has come to allow the rational guy have a say in my future. The rational part of me needs to learn to speak first before the idiot food guy gets rolling. Will it ever be second nature? Will it ever be easy? After 63 years being crazy I think that the dignified voice in the back of my brain deserves a chance.

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Martha

03/03/2016 10:25AM

Great post Reggie. We all can relate to those little voices - 'good' and 'evil'. I like you're calling it 'rational'. Though our 'evil' voices are typically very good at rationalizing - so watch out for that!

Susan S.

03/01/2016 10:41AM

Oh I love when these moments of clarity illuminate us!

Marcie

03/01/2016 4:39AM

Yes indeed it does deserve a chance! I love that quote, I am always telling myself to remember what is most important and WHY I started this journey. Sometimes that rational voice wins, luckily for me now - more than not. But I know about that nasty little voice in your head and the way I would finish that sentence by the way is I remember when I was so big that my hips didn't fit between the arms of the airplane seat and it was so uncomfortable. I remember getting on a plane after I lost my weight and wondering if they made the seats bigger LOL. Reggie - keep having that conversation with yourself because it may never ALWAYS be 2nd nature but it will get much more so. And I bet you have experienced that many times - where the rational you wins the mental spar.

JeskaJoy

02/29/2016 9:34PM

This is powerful stuff Reggie. I've eaten the donut, or 3, SO many times! But from time to time, my "willpower" or whatever it is, sticks. Both of my most successful forays into weightloss were due to following a very strict, healthy eating plan, that cut out all added sugar, and minimized fruit to the bare essentials. That's where I'm at right now, and I'm telling you, it's like I have the force! The second I see the donut, I just turn my eyes away, and make myself think about something else, and it works!! Cutting sugar = reduced cravings. No doubt about it!

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Reggie

I have definitely been in this situation. Off refined sugar, and keeping other carbs to a minimum and doing great then all of a sudden one day there is something that I have the opportunity to eat and suddenly it won't leave me alone. I can go to the other side of the room and be doing other things but that weird something starts talking to me. Before I know it I am eating it and feeling like s%%t. My rational guy need the chance to have an opinion. What I call white knuckling it works, but isn't the ultimate solution to me craziness.

JeskaJoy

It's true, there really are times when I wonder how I ended up with junk food in my mouth! Maybe you could try substituting for something else? A Kevita works for me, not sure if they're available wherever you are, but they're an all natural probiotic beverage sweetened with stevia, but they actually taste good! Plain coconut is my favorite. 2 carbs in the bottle : ) Or, half an apple (fuji's are lowest in sugar, besides green) drizzled with lemon juice.

EyesinFLDenise

02/29/2016 7:22PM

Reggie, great blog! So would you eat the doughnuts because they are the most delicious doughnuts ever made or because you don't think you deserve to succeed on your diet? The brain is such a complicated organ. You really made me think.

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Reggie

It doesn't matter. Those donuts could be stale and tasteless. As to why I give in to binges? I have no idea. It is just that part of me that takes over. Literally like jekyll and hyde.

Marcie

I know BED is one issue BUT do read up on sugar addiction, seriously. It is more addictive than cocaine. Seriously. There are many good books out there now - I like Dr Mark Hyman on the topic - I may have recommended him before. He just came out with a new book - Eat Fat, Get Thin and his original Blood Sugar Solution is what started me on my current journey...

Julie Lama

02/29/2016 7:16PM

:)I like this. Reggie let's both try harder. I need to try harder. Not to let stress win.Tomorrow is a new day. I'm in

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Reggie

Julie, I am not at all comfortable with Rational Guy. It is one of my biggest fears. I wrote those paragraphs in a stream of consciousness because, under the right circumstance that it what it is like to be in my head. I have got to make that poster my mantra. I have to remember what it is like to feel so lonely and worthless.

Marcie

Someone else wrote a blog on being mindful in March... it synchronizes nicely with your post...