Body Image Distortions

Posted on May 24, 2016

I've been going through a rough patch in my weight loss, probably since the end of March. I just haven't been as dedicated to my weight loss goals and have had a lot of trouble meeting my 4% weigh outs. I manage a couple weeks of laser focus to get to goal, then after my win, I end up binge eating and my weight bounces back up again. Sigh. It's been hard to be compassionate with myself when I feel so disappointed.

In these times where I feel down about myself, I notice that I have a drastically distorted image of what my body looks like. I may gain a few pounds over the weekend, but the way I feel on Monday is that I've gained back all 35 lbs that I'd lost over the past several months. I feel like I'm that same old round person and that none of my clothes will fit me. I feel like everyone is going to look at me and see that I've gained back the weight. They'll know that I'm a failure and I couldn't figure out how to keep the weight off.

Does this make sense? No, it's illogical. Of course I didn't regain all the weight as the scale only shows a few pounds up. I know that I haven't magically grown in size because all my clothes still fit. I look at pictures of myself on my friends' social media and I can see that I don't actually look that different than I did the week before. People still comment that I'm looking slim and that I'm doing a great job with my weight loss.

In contrast, I remember when I'd lost my first 10-15 lbs and I thought everyone should be able to see that I'd lost weight. But, no one said anything. I thought I looked great and I felt so proud of myself! I saw so many changes in my appearance, but still no one noticed. Looking back at my weigh in pictures, I can see why as there's very little difference in that weight range. Maybe at that time I had a distorted body image, but in a positive way? From my first picture to today, it's a huge difference. And yet, I feel like crap, so I think I look like crap. I don't have that same feeling of pride/happiness/energy and it translates to a negatively distorted body image.

I need to get back to being kind and compassionate to myself. Someone suggested that when I'm talking to myself that I imagine that I'm talking to a friend or relative, someone that I love. Would I berate them for eating indulgently for a few days and putting on a few pounds? No. Would I call them a failure for giving in to a craving? No. Would I pinch their tummy and tell them they're so gross? Absolutely not. I'd tell them that it's okay, just a minor bump in the road that can be overcome. I'd tell them that losing this weight is not a race, that they have their whole life to work on this. It'll take time, but progress is progress.

You've come so far and have changed so much, just keep going and things will fall into place.

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JayP

05/25/2016 7:20AM

Wow, Lily, great post. I think many of us completely understand that thing of feeling "so huge" after a weekend of overeating or after having gained back just a few pounds. It's weird and i can only assume it's rooted in the shame we feel about our behavior. So to be kind to myself and shake off the negativity, I feel like I have to remind myself there is no shame in any of this. Having gained back a few pounds is no more or less shameful than having gone a little too long between haircuts: it was based on choices (eating a little too much being no more shameful than the choice not to bother with getting a haircut) and created an effect on my body that I now need to do something about. The "something" is different and a little harder (losing weight vs getting a haircut) but has no more negative judgment associated with it.

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JayP

Me too! I often look in the mirror and think "I hate my hair, I need to get it cut." But I don't feel bad about it, or beat myself up over having put it off. I just think I've been busy and have chosen not to put the effort into getting it cut. Putting back on a few pounds is pretty normal given the food-centric environment we live in, and if we see it as normal and just needing the occasional correction, maybe we can detach it from all the negative self-judgment.

LilyN

Very true, no more negativity, just make it a normal part of life. :)

Marcie

05/24/2016 5:09PM

Great observations! We all suffer from this. I still have body image issues - after an indulgent weekend I look in the mirror and see an overweight person when on Friday I saw a healthy fit person. Makes no sense.And you are so right to think about what you would say to a friend who said those things of course you would tell them they are being silly! Learning to be compassionate with ourselves and grateful for what we HAVE accomplished is so key. You've got this!

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