What is it really about?

Posted on December 13, 2014

Ok, here I go again this time of month. Period in a couple of days.

I have had 2 weeks of flow. Eating 1200 most days. Nice. Feeling slimmer and fitting nicely into clothes more and more.

Now, selfsabotage have hit. It´s a sure thing when things go a bit too well and Im getting slimmer and therefore loosing my motivation.

This week I have had 3 eating days of aprox 2500 cals each and more than 1200 the other days too. The first day - tuesday - was really good and I felt that my body really needed a reset after going too hard in the gym and eating too little. so that was great. But the other days I have used exuses as "I am working hard (leading seminars) today and need to not focus on my eating but doing my job well instead." and today: "I was up 0400 and travelled a lot and this f-ed up my rutine, did you say cake?". And tonight I even went into PMS-exuse "Oh, but I usually need more food and have a harder time keeping my diet on trak at PMS-times ... so I guess I eat more sweets :-). Yes! indeed!"

Ok, so, am I done with exuses?

Sad to say but probably not. I´m sittng here thinking hard, really trying to not b-shit.

I remember starting this exuses-game as a little chubby girl.

Exuses is a way to put the blame of my own bad behavour outside of myself. It´s a way to feel better about something I acctraually feel bad about, and shound so do. It´s disguiseing my problem making it esier to fail.

If I choose to eat in a destructiv manner its my choise and I am to blame if anyone/anything and if I feel ashamed for or guilt because of my weakness (everyone is weak sometimes) that is my shame and guilt and yes, a bit of shame and guilt is called for when hurting myself. Because I matter.

Instead of trying to justify my destructive behavout with an exuse I coud say inside my head: "I choose to eat this now, this is my own desition. Nothing anyone can say (or anything I can think) will make this bad desition a good one. Because it is not a good one."

To summarize: The problem is mine. I want to own up to it. It´s all me. I see that now. If I will succeed to stop my exuses? I dont know.

By the way, the picture is me 83 kgs 2011 and me about 58 kgs 2012.

Comment Now!

Tonya N.

12/21/2014 10:28AM

The after picture is really thin! That being said.... It's also a body a tween might have. So be careful about setting your goals too thin. We are women not tween or teans. Society places too much pressure on us. Even those models are not as thin as they airbrush them to be! I got down to 129 last time I was losing weight and honestly it was too thin for my 47 year old body. I need a little more weight to fill out my wrinkles for one! I feel the best at about 135, and I feel good at 145. I'm only saying that to challenge your thinking, and your goals. If you shoot to small your body will fight you. Also, adding muscle will allow for more calorie intake without adding inches to your waistline. The more toned and muscle the more your body burns at rest. Now things like sugar are not good for us no matter if they make us gain weight or not. I do love it though and it seems to be a like a drug. Either I'm having it or I'm not.... I don't seem to find a middle ground.

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Tonya N.

I did mean you look great now! I also think theres more and more over weight people despite the pressure because of all the other factors like that we are far too busy these days and it's cheaper most times to eat unhealthy and faster to eat unhealthy. When I was subbing for one of our local high schools I was surprised at the number of high school girls that are sporting a more womanly body, or just plain over weight bodies. When I was in high school most of us were twigs. There was that occasional girl who had genetics on her side that was more curvy, and the VERY rare over weight girl who just got unlucky enough to have parent's who fed her the wrong foods in big portions for all of her life. But we didn't have the choice of burgers and fries as a alternative at every lunch time. We have food thrown at us from every angle every day.

Jenny A.

It's a totally different world than only 30 years back. Hope we can turn it around.

WD40plus

12/14/2014 12:38PM

Everybody has some great things to say. I like the part about your making decisions. I think being conscious is a huge thing when it comes to food. So some days you will make a conscious decision to consume more calories for any number of reasons (not excuses). I have a hard time with controlling my sort of sub-conscious eating.

Tonya N. likes this comment.

Jenny A.

I relate. I guess its the same for habits, they become unconscious in a way. So its a great thing if it's positive. I look forward to what may happen if exuses no longer are not needed for me to overindulge. I might have a better chance of changing my behaviour for the better.

Jogger Girl

12/14/2014 4:55AM

Do you struggle with internal issues that you aren't worthy of joy and success? I think the majority of people do and find it an uphill battle all their lives but it can be overcome!

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Jogger Girl

in 10 lbs my reward will not be food it will be a hugely overpriced Dekker piece of lingerie for my hotter new bod!

Kelsey D.

Jogger girl that is an AWESOME reward!