I Don't WANT to Go Shopping!

Posted on August 1, 2014

Yesterday was a very good day. Made the win in a bet that was not easy--Yahoo! Worked out in the am and played golf in afternoon. Only one thing marred my day. After we played I went to restroom and brushed out my hat hair. And there it was. A bald spot. Looks like I AM going to lose my hair with this chemo. Damn.

I know you're thinking, why does that surprise her? Well, I've done chemo before and my hair just thinned. It didn't look good, but I still had it. This time around I get the feeling I won't be so lucky. I don't know why this has upset me so much, but it has. Its like the cancer is saying, "got ya! You thought you could ignore me with all that eating right and exercise crap, but I'll show you! I'm here. Deal with it"

they do say that denial is one of the 5 stages of grief. So now what? Here's the thing, this cancer is easily treatable and non-life threatening at this stage. I have no doubt I can whoop its ass. I believe whole heartedly that the steps I'm taking with healthy food and exercise are the right ones. And. I hate it. I hate when it throws me for a loop. I hate losing my hair. I hate this more than the 4 hrs on Saturday hooked to the poisin that will save my life. I hate it more than the fatigue. (Sounds like I've still got some anger, too. Yep.)

seeing that little but growing spot just made me so sad.

I'm not a vain person. I don't worry about the little wrinkles that have developed over the years. I'm not trying to look 30 again. But I guess I don't want others to look at me and their first thought be 'cancer'.

I don't want others to be checking for other signs of weakness or impending death.

So, I guess I need to start shopping for wigs. What do you think? Purple page cut? Long, blonde and curly like I always wanted as a child? Auburn flowing locks? The choices are, apparently, endless.

Maybe I'll get a new outfit to go with it.

Comment Now!

Beth C.

08/19/2014 8:41AM

HI! I'm just seeing this...but I am a volunteer with the American Cancer Society. Most of the locations have a room where you can try on wigs that they give to cancer patients. Here in Palm Beach County it is very nice. Just a thought. It is one of the things they do with the money they raise. I love how it gives back to the community. They also provide rides and have a lot of great information. Just a thought. You may want to check out your ACS location. AND also and more importantly...you are a huge inspiration...after reading your story I know I can reach my goals...you will kick cancer's butt and look great doing it! So glad things are going better this time (I read another post)...you've got this for you and your family. Never forget how huge of an inspiration you are!

Lynda H. likes this comment.

Lynda H.

That is so cool that you volunteer for the ACS! Thanks for the tip. And, yes, we'll both meet our goals!

Kelly G.

08/05/2014 1:26PM

My younger sister (34) is going through stage 3 breast cancer. She ended up going the hat route. One of her favorites was a reggae rasta hat complete with dreds. Totally not her style - but it made her feel so much better.

Do what makes you feel good and gives you the confidence to meet this challenge head on! Go for it and know that everyone around you is cheering you on! Like my sister said when she finished 16 weeks of chemo last month - "Screw cancer, I survived AND BEAT Chemo!"

She's starting her radiation next week - her plan is to have this beat by the end of the year. She started in November last year.

YOU CAN DO IT!! When I see someone with cancer, I don't think "cancer", I think rock star!

Lynda H. likes this comment.

Lynda H.

Thanks Kelly! My best friend just beat stage 3 breast cancer. So glad your sister is doing so well.

SusyQ

08/04/2014 2:02AM

My hat's off to you for your courage and humor in the face of adversity. You are a picture of grace!

Lynda H. likes this comment.

HapiCampr

08/02/2014 9:52PM

Wow Lynda H! You are a warrior! Thank you so much for sharing your struggles with such honesty. You inspire me to remember how much I've overcome and how strong I am. Here's to you brave woman!

Lynda H. likes this comment.

Lynda H.

Thanks Tori. I know I'm not alone in this. We're all warriors and it's good to be surrounded by them here and at home.

Lynda H.

08/02/2014 4:35AM

Thanks everyone for all your support. I spoke to my close friend who just finished her radiation and chemo for breast cancer and she told me I could ask for a PRESCRIPTION for a wig. Who knew? I'll find out more at chemo today.

HapiCampr, C K. and Kim like this comment.

Jessica

08/01/2014 3:03PM

I'm sorry that you're going through chemo, but I applaud you on your choice to focus on healthy food and exercise during this stressful time. It would be easy to just sit around eating bags of Oreos and feel sorry for yourself. You are going to kick some cancer behind!

My recommendation (if you can afford it) is to buy a high quality wig in a style that you feel is YOU, maybe the same color as your hair is naturally, or a color that you've always wanted. And then buy another wig or two that are just fun and funky.

I have stylist friends who wear wigs all the time, because it allows them to give their hair a rest from color and heat, while still playing with fashion the way they like to. They definitely don't give off a "I've got cancer" vibe.

And it never hurts to get an outfit or two that makes you feel fabulous.

HapiCampr, C K. and Lynda H. like this comment.

Lynda H.

I'm going to do it. I'm going to look this week--already looking on line. I think I'll stay away from the $2,000+ wigs. Lol

Carol

08/01/2014 2:42PM

I agree - you are doing awesome - I am sending happy thoughts and vibes your way - you will rock whatever color you chose - :)

HapiCampr, C K. and Lynda H. like this comment.

Lynda H.

Thanks!

Mlrsk2004

08/01/2014 2:19PM

You are doing so awesome! I hope you find a fun wig or awesome accessory to rock during this time. I'm sorry cancer has thrown you for a loop, but it's just a temporary loop. :)

HapiCampr, C K., Lynda H. and Carol like this comment.

Lynda H.

You're right. It is temporary

Lynda H.

08/01/2014 12:11PM

Mohawk--my daughter would love that. I'd be cooler than she is :)

HapiCampr and Jody S. like this comment.

Jody S.

08/01/2014 12:01PM

My Friend decided to get a pink mohawk before her treatments. Now that she has beaten her cancer she has a platinum mohawk and boy does she ROCK IT, in fact it's hard to imagine her without it now. She is winning and you are going to win too!!!

HapiCampr, Mlrsk2004, Lynda H. and Beth like this comment.

Lynda H.

Margaret liked the Mohawk idea. :). I don't know if I should show houses to new clients in it, do you?