May I tell you a story about me? I am a big woman. I know alot about diets because I have been on them my whole life. You name it, plans, shakes, raw, juicing, doctor supervised and of course, everyone's favorite: starvation.
A few years ago I decided to get "thin", I had had enough and wanted so desperately to love myself and to feel attractive because I never had. A yo-yo dieter from way back, this time I was serious. My health was not a concern, only what the scale was telling me. For over a year, I white-knuckled it...I ate only a few certain foods and did some vitamins, etc.. In about a year and a half I lost almost 200 pounds.
Hold your applause...I gained it all back. Why? I found that when I was "thin", I didn't love myself anymore than when I was "fat", in fact it got worse (you'll see in a minute). I know that may sound strange to some of you, you may think that changing what the scale says will change everything about you...I know because I am almost 44 years old now and have believed that all my life. I think it is similar to what everyone thinks will make them happy, you know when they say to themselves "I'll be happy when ____" I make that promotion at work, when I can retire, when my children are done with school, when I get married, when I have children, when I get that car I have always wanted, when I can afford a bigger, better house...these things do make us happy but only in the short run.
I believe the "I'll be happy when ____" mentality is responsible for alot of folks you may hear about that had tremendous weight loss success only to gain it all back, sometimes very quickly.
Another culprit, which is related to "I'll be happy when ____" is "I am not normal." and our need for human acceptance and to feel a part of the normal world (whatever that is). This was my biggest trigger for gaining the weight back. You see, I lost that weight because I was absolutely determined to be normal and happy, which overall may not be a bad thing but the way I went about it was...for the 18 months or so it took me to lose most of the weight I was extremely strict on myself, again not necessarily a bad thing when taken in moderation like everything else but that was not me.
For those months, just about the only things I ate were lean fish and greens. Collards and turnip greens mostly. No creamer for my coffee, no fruit of any kind (not even tomatoes because of their natural sugar content), no celery because of its salt content, no oils, no fats, no grains, no legumes. On the occasion I would have some chicken or a bit of tuna I would eat a very small portion because after all, chicken has what? 70mg or so of sodium per 3 ounces? I knew something was way off because if I ate a half a medium potato (plain) with lunch, I would not start losing weight again for 2-3 days. But I did NOT listen to my body and all I could think is "What's wrong with me?!? I cannot even eat a potato! My body is defective!". So by the time I got within sight of my goal weight I was so depressed I could hardly function. Why was I killing myself...I couldn't keep this up forever...only fish and greens for the rest of my life, hitting the gym 4-5 nights a week...FOR WHAT?!? I looked better but I felt like crap!
Eventually, my foodie nature and my out-of-control pity-party won out. I thought, "I won't go overboard, I'll just start eating normal food.". I am not talking about chocolate bars and cheetos...I am talking about a half a sweet potato, a few slices of tomato, a pinch of salt to taste, strawberries and blueberries, in other words, foods we all need to eat to become and remain healthy. I had absolutely traumatized my body! But I was so obsessed with what the scale was telling me, I didn't see it. I was thrown into an obese depression like I had never known before. All the demons were there, telling me I am not normal, I cannot eat even the simplest foods like other people do. I figured why go on? I convinced myself that I would never be normal so why not just make myself feel good temporarily by doing the only thing I have complete control of? And unfortunately, that was to EAT! If I had known, if I had paused to think and try to understand...after all those months of sacrificing and absolute deprivation...my body needed a few months to adjust but I didn't allow it because I was convinced I could never be happy because I wasn't ever going to be normal no matter how hard I tried.
We all have people and experiences in our lives we can be grateful for...ALL of us. It's just sometimes we get in such a mindset of comparing ourselves to one another because we have convinced ourself, "I am not normal." and "I'll be happy when ____" Think about it...just the simple things...if you have means to come on here and bet money you will lose weight then you are not hungry, just this tells me you have access to worldwide support and information, you can probably walk, you can probably see, you can probably hear your keyboard clicking as you write a few encouraging words to someone else who may be struggling. Sure, you have probably made some bad decisions but now you are on the right track to take them back! We all have problems and bad days and sometimes life just isn't fair but it is our reactions that determine our life's course.
I don't want diabetes, joint pain, heart disease, high blood pressure, high cholesterol and all the other nastiness that comes with just having too much of the wrong kinds of food!
I want to live! I want to be so I am grateful! I want to be so I am happy! I want to be around for my children! I want to play with my grandchildren! I want to laugh with my great-children!
We can be happy and thankful right where we are, we just have to look up from the scale every once in a while to see it!
May God bless and keep you!!! --Darla