I know this is going to be a LONG & HARD road ahead of me but I'm excited for that journey. I'm excited to see what it is like to be on the other side of my health. I realize my biggest issue is my MENTAL state of mind. I might do everything else right but if my thoughts were more under control I wouldn't be in the place I am right now. I'm going to be very honest right now.. I am NOT happy in the skin I'm in. Where I am in my weight and health is a place of FEAR & ANXIETY. With that being said, I DON'T have to stay in that place of frustration and sadness. I am getting to a different place in my life where I can start using some different strategies(short term goals) to add towards my long term goals. I'm hoping by sharing my story not only will it help me but it can help others too.
In the past, I was trying to do too much too soon. If you asked me January 1st what my fitness New Year Resolution was I would've told you in September I would be doing a bikini competition and a powerlifting meet. Although I want to do both, I don't want to do too much too soon and mess up my health & overall mind in the process.
I don't want to lose weight the wrong way either (like I did in the past). To be specific, (because I just want to own it now) I had a combination eating disorder between binging, purging, and restricting. There is a lot of shame in what I did because now as I'm getting older and closer to my mid 20's, my body is changing tremendously. My body is now reacting to a lot of things that it wasn't when I was younger. I've taken out gluten and most dairy products.
My hormones are even worse than they ever were. You will notice in my pictures that my acne is back too. And because of my hormonal imbalance,my cortisol (stress hormone) is so out of line not only did I gain a lot of weight (35 lbs in the last year and a half to be exact) but I'm having the hardest time losing the weight right now. I can eat clean and exercise and still gain weight. Even when I was smaller I didn't like what I'd see in the mirror and that's sad because I wish I was there right now. But I'm not.
I'm hoping that this dietbet I am currently on will help me. I just wanted to vent and possibly seek help. I can tell I was starting to go back to my OLD WAYS when I was trying to give myself all these exercises to do today and it just wasn't happening. I aimed for doing a circuit through 1x for 5 exercises each one minute and a yoga dvd for 50 mins. I actually feel quite balanced after doing that.
WHICH leads me to another goal (on top of the ones I already have) more meditation & yoga amongst other things like just reading my daily devotional (I like Demi Lovato's 'Staying Strong 365 Days A Year') and my bible throughout the day. I realize how centered I need to be. It will help my mind and my body.
I did initially start with the Focus T25 workout program from Shawn T (Beach Body) but I noticed my body still needed more. It wasn't helping me at all. My body just got used to what I was doing and the weight gain continued. I went from 162 to 169 lbs. in a WEEK & A HALF from my last dietbet. I was eating healthy and following the exercise routine but it just wasn't cutting it.
I'm hoping with some NEWFOUND knowledge on carb cycling, cortisol hormones, progestrone levels, and even glucose, I can adapt and make the necessary changes for my body. Something's got to give. Well vent over. I can go on forever but I won't. You get the point!
So I am going to mix things up with my diet and exercise. Try carb cycling, eating clean, drink only water and tea. I also want to add in some cardio, do some running outside. We shall see how tomorrow goes. :)