Yesterday Was Not Good

Posted on November 20, 2014

Yesterday started out fine. I packed my standard Wednesday lunch with lots of healthy snacks. I have two meetings on Wednesdays, one of which I have to drive for about an hour to get to. By the time I got home, I was done. I was emotionally raw and worn out. Hubs needed to work late to meet a deadline, so I was on my own for dinner. This is my big trigger.

I had enough leftovers that I could have cobbled together a healthy dinner. But why eat leftover beets when you could eat a whole bag of herbed popcorn? And those Skinny Cow ice cream sandwiches that are low points? Not so low points when you eat 3 of them!

*sigh* I knew what I was doing as I put the food in my mouth. But I didn't care. I was tired, in pain, emotionally drained. So, I ate. Not the worst binge I've ever done, but that was mostly because the house is full of healthy foods like said beets, so the damage was limited. I also didn't walk - spent the whole day in the car - but I'm more okay with that as I've been doing so much the last few days my body just wasn't up for it.

So... I logged all the points. Went over for the day by about 15. I'm "okay" in that I still have flex points, but I try not to use them. The scale was only up 0.1 today, but that seems suspect to me. I'm back on program today. There's a big batch of black beans simmering away in the crock pot. And there's no ice cream or popcorn to tempt me today!

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ChachiCat

11/21/2014 8:40AM

Thanks everyone. *hug* This is my core issue. It's not going to go away in a few weeks. It's been YEARS in the making. Admitting it to you all (and Hubs, and logging it) is part of the healing I think (rather than hiding the evidence and shaming it away).

I really am okay with it. It happened. Can't take it back now. And honestly, I don't think it was any worse than the "weekly off-plan dinner." One or two indulgences are not going to derail all the other good I'm doing.

But I know it's a slippery slope - that's the behavior that got me to the weight I am. So I'm trying to look at it. Sit with the feelings around it as much as I can. Shine light on it. So I can let it go. Damn this is hard work!

KnitterBeth

11/21/2014 5:32AM

I'm convinced that if we are past bingers, we will always be bingers. Nowadays, we just control it more often than we used to. But (for myself, anyway) that doesn't mean I've conquered what I've not-too-fondly come to call The Binge Monster. When she gets out, it's not pretty. As you say, the binges aren't what they were, but compared to a typical day now, they are are not at all good.

My feeling? We're allowed a binge. Every ONCE IN A WHILE. So now you've had yours for the next however long. Maybe next time you come home feeling like that and are on your own for dinner, you could take a nice relaxing shower or bath, calm down a bit, and then decide on food. You deserve to be pampered, even it you're the one pampering yourself! <3

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Cara H.

11/20/2014 8:24PM

The past is over and done. Don't let it bother you too much. Right now, while you're not raw and worn, come up with a game plan for next time, because you know there will be a next time. What about a small slice of dark chocolate on the way to the bathroom and a nice, hot soak to soothe the edges. Then, you'd be in a better frame of mind to make those food choices. Think about what would help you get back to a happy equilibrium that doesn't involve any willpower whatsoever.

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adrienne121

11/20/2014 7:16PM

ChachiCat, please don't beat yourself up about it!!! We all have one of those days from time to time. Girl, sounds like you enjoyed it all!!! Wish I was there to join you!!! LOL!!! I think you did good considering the scale only showed a 0.1 pound gain. That's always good!!! Now, you're back on track, & there's nothing else left to tempt you. Yesterday's gone, & today's a new day for new beginnings, & you had a new beginning!!! Keep doing your thing mamacita!!! You're doing great!!! :-)

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Kathy

11/20/2014 4:16PM

Today's a new day. Shake off yesterday and file away the feelings as lessons learned for next time and there will always be a next time. I totally related to your thought processes.

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