Ugh, just ugh. Disgusted with myself.

Your post has stayed on my mind for days. I know the feeling and it hurts to think about how you feel right now. (Or how you were feeling when you wrote this--hopefully you are feeling better now!) I hate to see you talk to yourself this way, it just adds to the struggles you are feeling. Be kind to yourself! Oh, and diabetes and weight and appetite are all very complex things. I am all for taking charge of the situation and living a healthier lifestyle to get it under control, but it's not necessarily as simple as saying you got diabetes because of the way you ate. In the process of developing diabetes, there were a lot of complicated things going on that changed your appetite, cravings, and body weight. Everyone blames diabetics as if the fat caused the diabetes, but it might be a chicken-and-egg problem, where the weight gain may be a result of the diabetes process, not the other way around. In any case, wishing you a much better day today!