PSA: I'm fat, not stupid.

An open letter to anyone who may benefit, from everyone who has been there.

I’m pretty fed up with people thin-splaining things to me. I get that I’m fat—I own mirrors, I live inside my skin, I purchase my own clothing and am generally aware of my size. Body dysmorphic disorders and wishful thinking aside, I think this is true of everyone. So, if you recently watched some mumbo-jumbo on Dr. Oz about the new buzz diet where you eat nothing but toilet paper soaked in jello and drink mint infused “fat flush” water, I’m really excited that you’re excited, but STFU.

Fat people are aware of which foods are unhealthy.

I feel certain that you can sit down with any fat person, show them a plate of vegetables and a plate of pasta, and they’ll be able to identify the healthier food. BECAUSE FAT DOES NOT MAKE A PERSON STUPID.

I am not fat because I do not understand nutrition. In fact, I understand nutrition very well. I have taken nutrition classes, I can build a complete meal plan with beautiful, balanced meals meeting all kinds of criteria—low sodium, low fat, low carb, low sugar, low calorie, high protein, high fiber, low glycemic index, et so on. That’s not the problem.

Obesity is not about the food, y’all.

Don’t get me wrong—the eating habits are the physical reason for the obesity, yes yes. BUT. It’s a mental, emotional, and at times chemical problem. I don’t try to diagnose and treat strangers on the street, or my friends and family, for that matter.

“Hey, cousin, I notice you are sad today, let me tell you all the reasons why you are sad and lecture about St. John’s Wart and Melatonin and super foods because I saw a headline on MSN this morning and I have purchased TWO books on bipolar disorder therefore I’m pretty much an expert and you should listen to me because my knowledge of this subject you did not consult me on is superior to yours in every way I assume.  YOU’RE WELCOME.”

That’s rude.

And another thing, people give TERRIBLE advice. How many times have people told you the “negative calorie” myth about celery and mushrooms? Yeah… that’s not true. I eat those foods, and they are healthy choices generally speaking, and have minerals that are good for your body—but you will not lose weight by the calories expended by chewing and digesting them. I once watched Jillian Michaels tell a competitor on The Biggest Loser! “Oversalt your food so it will taste bad and you won’t eat as much.” Wanna know where else you can find that self-sabotaging food trick? Pro anorexia websites. Sabotaging your food is disordered eating—let’s come away from that, shall we? I mean, disordered eating is what got me where I am today. I’m not looking to force myself into starvation or to punish myself—I’ve done that. I’m really looking to lose weight by being an adult and making good choices.

I, like many other chronically overweight folks, have read about ALL the diets. I’ve read about them, I’ve looked into the pros and cons. I’ve read the articles praising and condemning your preferred diet plan. And for whatever reason, I have chosen not to follow it. Most likely because I think it’s a fad diet or poppycock and I am doing what works for me. I respect your choice to be Atkin’s/Paleo/Medeterranian/Organic/Vegan/Carnivore/Plexus/Raw/Macrobiotic/Advocare/Southbeach/Zone WHATEVER, but you don’t need to use my fat to provide an unsolicited lecture and thin-splaining diving board. If I ask, please feel free. If I smile politely, it’s because I’m polite, not because I’m interested. It is highly likely I think your diet is a joke.

(aside: Volumetrics seems pretty legit, but in a common-sense kinda way)

Comparing fat people to every other fat person.

“Well, my sister in law is big—like REALLY big—like bigger than you!”

“Oh, he’s way bigger than you—he’s like XXXlbs.” (The weight mentioned being less than your own, in some cases.)

“She was pretty chunky before the surgery—probably your size.”

All of those comments are well meaning, and completely rude. Does anyone compare the size of your nose to other people? Does anyone compare the cleanliness of your home? The quality of your cooking? It’s as though no one matured past the age of 13 sometimes. You don’t have to point at someone with a birthmark on their face and say “You have a birthmark.” You don’t point to someone with piercings or tattoos or one arm and tell them the observation you have made about their general appearance, so why do it for fat people?

Assuming all fat people are riddled with health problems OR any health problems are the direct result of being fat.

First of all, we all know being fat, being obese, etc can have serious health consequences. We are all aware that being fat is not healthy. We, fat people, know. We know. You know how smokers know smoking is bad for their health? You know how folks riding motorcycles without helmets know it is a dangerous activity that could result in injury or death? Yeah, they know.

Now, I am obese, and I am healthy. Suck on it. My blood pressure is great, I am not diabetic, my cholesterol levels are exactly where they should be, my heart is in good shape, my veins are not insufficient, my joints are not in trouble. I mean, I know other people my age who are thin and in worse health than me. You can be fat and healthy. You can be fat and unhealthy. I would like to reiterate that I am aware obesity is not a good choice, and can/will cause health problems. But I’m a healthy fat person. It happens.

“But you have such a pretty FACE!” “But you have such a great personality!”

I’m not insecure about many aspects of myself. I’m confident in my ability to communicate, to maintain a successful career, and pursue my artistic endeavors. I am secure in my parenting, in my relationships with others, my intellectual capacities, and generally in myself. I don’t like my body. Find me a woman who likes everything about her body, I challenge you. You know what? I DO have a pretty face and a great personality, but that wasn’t up for debate. Telling a fat person those things with the emphasis on the “but” and whichever thing is being “complimented” (quotes here, because the compliment is open for discussion) is unwittingly rude. I know that it isn’t meant to be rude—but communication is a delicate thing, and there are a lot of things transmitted through omission and nonverbal cues. So think about that the next time you are trying to compliment around something. The recipient totally knows.

In closing, I feel better. Do you have a fat-or-fitness-based pet peeve?